Thinking of purchasing an LED text scroller to mount to the top of my car so I can write obscenities to bad drivers.
To the girl applying makeup while driving:
“You’re still ugly!”
To the driver trying to pass me when there’s a car right in front of me:
“What now, mutherf*****?”
To the driver going 57MPH in the fast lane:
“Move bitch, get out the way!”
Too often, drivers who do these things don’t even look my way, for they fear my death glare. I would too if I wasn’t the perfect Asian driver that I am.
After Friday 11:59 pm, I am declaring myself a free woman. After god knows how many years of putting off all the things I’ve wanted to do I will finally be able pursue ME:
If I drink two 5-hour energies one after the other, does that mean I’ll have “energy” for the next 10 hours?!!!
Why I ask such absurd questions, you ask?
How would YOU feel if you had a (4-shot) Americano and passed out AT THE CAFE!?! (I woke up with drool all over my sleeve)
Hmm… maybe next time I’ll try snorting coffee grinds… maybe that’ll work!
Oh, btw, there are 3 more hours for you to go vote for my photo entry submission and help me win the grand prize of $2000! Please?
http://todayisfortomorrow.org/contest (It’s the photo that says “by Jane Lee”, just in case you get confused)
<3
Thoughts on BART. I hope I don’t offend anyone.
1. I spotted an Asian lady sitting down, with her Louis Vuitton luggage, Louis Vuitton duffel bag, and Louis Vuitton handbag. My thoughts:
My guess is that she fired her personal driver because she’s trying to minimize her carbon footprint by using the environmentally friendly option of public transportation. WELL GUESS WHAT LADY?!… Not only do you look ridiculous, but you’re fucking over our economy! A portion of your vast wealth could have been used towards innovative “green” research and new production that could have stimulated the economy. But that’s not all… Now there is one more unemployed personal driver, who now doesn’t have the income to “spend spend spend” (like the economists tell us to), further retarding any chances of stimulating the economy. Great job… DOUBLE WHAMMY. It’s okay though, I’m sure Louis appreciates it.
2. I noticed that about 99% of the passengers on the train (Louis Vuitton lady included), looked very unhappy. The 1% exception was me. In order to lighten up the mood, I started smiling at people, but quickly stopped because I realized that people thought I was crazy. It’s a shame that people no longer know how to appreciate simple acts of kindness.
I really don’t know what Louis Vuitton lady’s problem was. I mean, I’d be happy if I had all that money?
The instructor at the gym threw in a couple dance moves into the normal cardio kickboxing routine I’m used to. Yes, i’m talking about ass-shaking-at-the club dance moves.
I struggled to keep up today, and of course (being the complicated girl I am), started reflecting on my life. I’ve thus concluded:
1. I can only dance well when I’m drunk. (Wait… do I even dance well when I’m drunk?… Probably not.)
2. Whether I’m drunk or not, I inevitably do the kissy/”sexy”/lip-pucker face when dancing (Like the picture below)
3. I’d dance a lot better if I had a bigger butt.
Their parents demand that they have A’s
Anonymous asked: Pretty sure you've always wanted to see me naked.. Well.. I'm feeling pretty adventurous today so go to datelink7(dot)com (switch [dot] with .) then sign up and find my profile under the username 'lolsummer69'. I hid my face in the pictures. but I want you to guess who I am and then hit me up on Facebook lol. Good luck.
How did you know???!!
As I’m walking, I hear someone call my name behind me:
Girl: Jane???!!! HI!!!!
Me: Hey! I haven’t seen you in a long time! Woah, did you just recognize me from my back?
Girl: Yeah!… You have really distinct ears.
Me: Yeah, I know… They’re like Buddha ears!
No joke, I turn around, and there’s a Buddhist monk right behind us.
WHY DOES THIS SHIT ONLY HAPPEN TO ME???
I hope I didn’t offend him.
Whatever, I only speak the truth (most of the time)… they really are THAT huge.
I’m walking outside, and I see a girl run past me toward a guy, in tears.
Girl: (screaming) WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!! WHAT IS YOUR STINKING PROBLEM!!!
Boy: (just stands there)
It looks like things are about to get interesting, so I take a seat on a nearby bench, you know… because I can’t drink my coffee and walk at the same time.
Girl: (still crying/screaming) WHAT THE F*CK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!
Guy: (still does nothing but stand there)
The guy, presumably her boyfriend/lover, then grabs her and hugs her.
How romantic…NOT
The girl pushes away and continues screaming at him.
Guy hugs her again, and says something softly. I wish he spoke louder so that I could hear.
The happy couple then walks away… probably to have angry makeup sex.
I quietly sit on the bench, continue drinking my coffee, and shake my head. They’re not going to last.
I wish I could ask the girl why she gave in so fast. I mean, she was pretty pissed off. Furthermore, why would you have sex with a guy… THAT guy who just made you cry!?
Masochist perhaps.
Then I started spacing off into my own thoughts on how I would try to convince her not to go back to the dude’s place:
Sex makes babies. If you don’t want babies, why would you have sex?
Oh, because it feels good?
Drugs make you feel good too.
Just sayin’.
