Blahahahahaha

Passive Road Rage

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:24:09 -0800

Thinking of purchasing an LED text scroller to mount to the top of my car so I can write obscenities to bad drivers.

To the girl applying makeup while driving:

“You’re still ugly!”

To the driver trying to pass me when there’s a car right in front of me:

“What now, mutherf*****?”

To the driver going 57MPH in the fast lane:

“Move bitch, get out the way!”

Too often, drivers who do these things don’t even look my way, for they fear my death glare. I would too if I wasn’t the perfect Asian driver that I am.

Fat Girl Moment

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:18:05 -0700

Jane: Cardio-Kickboxing has really toned my legs, but not freakin stomach!
Charlotte: Then why don't you take the Abs and Back class?
Jane: Because it hurts my abs!

Top 10 priorities

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 14:24:04 -0700

After Friday 11:59 pm, I am declaring myself a free woman. After god knows how many years of putting off all the things I’ve wanted to do I will finally be able pursue ME:

Clean my room
Pursue my rockstar career with my cousins (our band shall be called Cuddy… you heard it here first), which will require me to improve my guitar skills.
Finish learning how to play this on the piano http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eF0t2yrn5qM
Read FOR LEISURE
Learn how to fix a car
Become fluent in Spanish and Turkish
Quit smoking, drink less coffee and more alcohol
Find a place to volunteer at
Become a lawyer
Train for a triathlon
Slut it up

I wonder if...

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 20:56:00 -0700

If I drink two 5-hour energies one after the other, does that mean I’ll have “energy” for the next 10 hours?!!!

Why I ask such absurd questions, you ask?

How would YOU feel if you had a (4-shot) Americano and passed out AT THE CAFE!?! (I woke up with drool all over my sleeve)

Hmm… maybe next time I’ll try snorting coffee grinds… maybe that’ll work!

Oh, btw, there are 3 more hours for you to go vote for my photo entry submission and help me win the grand prize of $2000! Please?

http://todayisfortomorrow.org/contest (It’s the photo that says “by Jane Lee”, just in case you get confused)

I like watching people...

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 17:43:13 -0700

Thoughts on BART. I hope I don’t offend anyone.

1. I spotted an Asian lady sitting down, with her Louis Vuitton luggage, Louis Vuitton duffel bag, and Louis Vuitton handbag. My thoughts:

Lady, you look tacky as fuck! WAY too many monograms
If you can afford $10,000 worth of luggage, why the hell are you taking BART? Oh, because it’s convenient?… Well if you can afford all that Louis, then you should be able to afford a personal driver to pick you up from the airport.

My guess is that she fired her personal driver because she’s trying to minimize her carbon footprint by using the environmentally friendly option of public transportation. WELL GUESS WHAT LADY?!… Not only do you look ridiculous, but you’re fucking over our economy! A portion of your vast wealth could have been used towards innovative “green” research and new production that could have stimulated the economy. But that’s not all… Now there is one more unemployed personal driver, who now doesn’t have the income to “spend spend spend” (like the economists tell us to), further retarding any chances of stimulating the economy. Great job… DOUBLE WHAMMY. It’s okay though, I’m sure Louis appreciates it.

2. I noticed that about 99% of the passengers on the train (Louis Vuitton lady included), looked very unhappy. The 1% exception was me. In order to lighten up the mood, I started smiling at people, but quickly stopped because I realized that people thought I was crazy. It’s a shame that people no longer know how to appreciate simple acts of kindness.

I really don’t know what Louis Vuitton lady’s problem was. I mean, I’d be happy if I had all that money?

Self-realization

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:23:45 -0700

The instructor at the gym threw in a couple dance moves into the normal cardio kickboxing routine I’m used to. Yes, i’m talking about ass-shaking-at-the club dance moves.

I struggled to keep up today, and of course (being the complicated girl I am), started reflecting on my life. I’ve thus concluded:

1. I can only dance well when I’m drunk. (Wait… do I even dance well when I’m drunk?… Probably not.)

2. Whether I’m drunk or not, I inevitably do the kissy/”sexy”/lip-pucker face when dancing (Like the picture below)

3. I’d dance a lot better if I had a bigger butt.

Why do Asian girls have small breasts?

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:06:39 -0700

starlightjamboree:

Their parents demand that they have A’s

Pretty sure you've always wanted to see me naked.. Well.. I'm feeling pretty adventurous today so go to datelink7(dot)com (switch [dot] with .) then sign up and find my profile under the username 'lolsummer69'. I hid my face in the pictures. but I want you to guess who I am and then hit me up on Facebook lol. Good luck.

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 23:32:10 -0700

How did you know???!!

True Story...

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 19:23:31 -0700

As I’m walking, I hear someone call my name behind me:

Girl: Jane???!!! HI!!!!

Me: Hey! I haven’t seen you in a long time! Woah, did you just recognize me from my back?

Girl: Yeah!… You have really distinct ears.

Me: Yeah, I know… They’re like Buddha ears!

No joke, I turn around, and there’s a Buddhist monk right behind us.

WHY DOES THIS SHIT ONLY HAPPEN TO ME???

I hope I didn’t offend him.

Whatever, I only speak the truth (most of the time)… they really are THAT huge.

Make love, not war, but not with douchebags... AND use protection, AND don't do drugs

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:51:24 -0700

I’m walking outside, and I see a girl run past me toward a guy, in tears.

Girl: (screaming) WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!! WHAT IS YOUR STINKING PROBLEM!!!

Boy: (just stands there)

It looks like things are about to get interesting, so I take a seat on a nearby bench, you know… because I can’t drink my coffee and walk at the same time.

Girl: (still crying/screaming) WHAT THE F*CK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!

Guy: (still does nothing but stand there)

The guy, presumably her boyfriend/lover, then grabs her and hugs her.

How romantic…NOT

The girl pushes away and continues screaming at him.

Guy hugs her again, and says something softly. I wish he spoke louder so that I could hear.

The happy couple then walks away… probably to have angry makeup sex.

I quietly sit on the bench, continue drinking my coffee, and shake my head. They’re not going to last.

I wish I could ask the girl why she gave in so fast. I mean, she was pretty pissed off. Furthermore, why would you have sex with a guy… THAT guy who just made you cry!?

Masochist perhaps.

Then I started spacing off into my own thoughts on how I would try to convince her not to go back to the dude’s place:

Sex makes babies. If you don’t want babies, why would you have sex?

Oh, because it feels good?

Drugs make you feel good too.

Just sayin’.

I hope I have fat asian babies too

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 21:58:52 -0700

I hope I have fat asian babies too

Triple B (Blog's Back Bitches)!!!

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 14:38:00 -0700

I ran out of creative juice for a while and took a much needed hiatus from blogging, but this new “proven study” is definitely blog-worthy!

Before you ask, YES, i do occasionally read askmen.com, you know… to make me a better (wo)man.

(For those of you unfamiliar with Askmen, it’s basically like Cosmo for women)

Topic: HOW TO MAKE A DATE WORK (according to CliffsList “the most respected and trusted source of real world information on dating, seduction and pick up on the net, helping men succeed with women since the mid-90s”).

-Source: askmen.com

Check it out:

“No matter what your goals are…your best odds are to get sexual as soon as possible”

1. Have her drive to your place and start from there. This way, she has to drive back to your place, and basically, is more likely to sleep with you since she’s there already.

WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO “PARK HER CAR IN YOUR GARAGE”!

(yes, i know it’s usually the guy that “parks the car”… but who knows…

maybe she has a penis too)

2. Dinner is a terrible date because you’re sitting across from her, and there are no opportunities to touch her. Thus, find a place where there’s more external entertainment.

Oh you know, somewhere like a strip club is better, because that way, you

can sit NEXT TO each other (and touch or whatever), AND you’d both be

horny enough by the time the show is done.

3. DO NOT wait until the end of the night to go in for the kiss. Do it as soon as possible, so she knows what you want.

Yeah, and if YOU want her to think that you’re a sex-fiend! Actually, this

one might be true, might be not true.

I hope most of you are intelligent enough to not take this seriously. First of all, look at the guy giving the advice. DOES IT LOOK LIKE HE GETS LAID A LOT??? Yeah sure, it may work if you look and make money like Justin Bieber, but in most cases… your hand will probably end up as the only thing under your sheets that night. Secondly, how much can you trust a professionally made video that spells “intimacy” wrong!!! (They spell it “intimicy” btw)

If you want to get sexual from the start, DON’T go out on “dates”. Dates just give the girl the wrong impression that you may be boyfriend/husband material, which has a whole lot of other baggage attached to it.

Take this girl’s advice instead:

No games, no “hidden messages”, no worries. Sure, it’s a totally different game for girls and if you’re a guy you may get hit in the face, but then you stop wasting your time on one person, and then ON TO THE NEXT!… that is if you’re only DTF.

As for real dates… I have no advice. If I knew the answer, I wouldn’t be by myself and blogging all alone.

So true (except for my mom who’s beautiful no matter what)

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 16:26:00 -0700

So true (except for my mom who’s beautiful no matter what)

Best thing in the world happens at 0:30. I wish my booty could...

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 01:04:36 -0700

Best thing in the world happens at 0:30.

I wish my booty could do that

Heard a big loud thump coming from my parents' room

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 01:25:16 -0800

(1:20 AM I can overhear my parents yelling at each other)
(Dad comes out)
Dad: I just fell out of the bed!
Me: Oh no! Are you ok?
Dad: Your mommy pushed me! She said she didn't though

FebUary luv

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 21:14:00 -0800

Before I take the time to mention everything wrong with the month of February, I’d also like to mention that this March (the entire 1 day) has been one of the best months of the past 4 years.

Anyways, now onto the main topic:

What else (besides the awkward spelling of the month) comes to mind when thinking about the month of February… of course ~~shitty~~ Valentine’s Day.

Now now, my stance on V-Day has nothing at all to do with the fact that I’m single or the fact that my last relationship tragically ended around Jan-Feb last year. (A side note: I think I was too drunk/sad/depressed to even realize Valentine’s day last year). My Valentine’s Day goes way beyond the common bitter single’s defense arguing that every day should be Valentine’s Day. TRY WORKING AT A STORE CONVENIENTLY LOCATED IN BETWEEN TWO FLOWER SHOPS AROUND DINNER TIME ON VALENTINE’S DAY DAMMIT! Whew… anyways…

I don’t know how much sex people were having on Valentine’s Day, but hormones must have been in the air, because it sure got me thinking about my future.

I realized that in 10 years, my body and society will expect me to give birth. Realizing/Acknowledging that my biological clock has long started ticking was seriously like a slap in the face AND PANIC ATTACK.

And just when I thought the whole reproductive cycle couldn’t get any worse, 2 mothers with babies came into work and pulled their boobies out and started breastfeeding RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! For those of you who don’t know, breastfeeding absolutely terrifies me! I had a dream several months ago that I was breastfeeding my baby (whose father was not disclosed), and was lactating when I woke up! … just kidding!. I wasn’t lactating but the dream was real! (A REAL DREAM… HOW IRONIC)

So yeah… I think it’s safe to say that I very much appreciate being single (without babies) and free to drunkenly hook up with random men and not remember the next morning. (Not that I’ve ever done that…)

This is the life.

Unfortunately I don’t have a new pic of my dog to conclude this entry, but I will end by saying that one of my favorite parts of the day is when I share a string cheese with my dog. I always let her have the bigger piece.

Here’s to string cheese. Once again I had to steal the picture from a third-party source because I DO NOT take stupid pictures of string cheese like some people on Google™ Images. I only take pictures of my dog <3

(source: http://donnatalarico.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/string_cheese.jpg … loser)

fuckyeahlaughters: .

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 23:08:45 -0800

fuckyeahlaughters:

.

SO CONFUSED!...

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 00:47:16 -0800

I don’t understand how this happens. My parents didn’t fight, nor is there anything wrong with their room. Yet, I find them BOTH in the living room on the couches, sleeping. I wish I could somehow upload audio, because I noticed they were out there because I heard snoring from my room. [Photo: Mom(left), Dad(right)]

OH MY GOD I’M DYING!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 00:59:54 -0800

OH MY GOD I’M DYING!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

fuckyeahlaughters: fypblog: Copy and Paste:...

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 22:51:10 -0800

fuckyeahlaughters:

fypblog:

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